Friday, April 24, 2009

I'm giving away these receipts tomorrow

Hey boss,

Come by to Jerry's All-American Newsstand tomorrow and get one of these to give to the dude across the street.

I gotta admit, I'm losing money at a rapid rate fucking with this guy so much... but fuck it, right?! We only live fucking once! Let's have motherfucking fun!


Sunday, April 19, 2009

Look at this real photo I found!

Hey boss,

Look at this picture I found on the internet!


I'm just kidding, boss, I didn't find this on the internet, I drew that dick on his face.

If you come to my newsstand I'll give you a receipt for Snapple at 15 cents, then you can take the receipt across the street and get the cheapest mother fucking snapple in history.


Saturday, April 11, 2009

You want sour patch kids? I'll give you some fucking sour patch kids for free...

That's right, you heard me Boss. You come to my newsstand, tomorrow, the 12th, I'll just give you some mother fucking sour patch kids. Why? Call it the American way. Also, all you have to do is look at this dude Clarkston who works across the street and scream at him about how outrageous his prices are for sour patch kids... I see you do that, BAM, you get mother fucking sour patch kids.

Deal with it.

Jerry's Newsstand, probably the best thing to happen to newsstands since Clarkston started up his fucking blog.

Friday, April 3, 2009

I got a fucking blog

Hey boss,

I started this fucking blog basically as a big fuck you to that dick wipe across the street. This shit for brains likes to come over to my fucking side of the street and tell me how I'm overcharging for my whoppers. You know those little piece of shit candys that got an inside that tastes like a chocolate malt without the chocolate? Yeah, those.

Anyfuck, asshole keeps spouting anything is possible in America (he's from some commie country if you ask me) and that he's going to drive all my business to his little fucking newsstand. CAPITALISM he's always screaming that at me. And he reads all these retarded books on advancing his business. Someone told him he needed to start a marketing campaign or some shit, so he started a blog... A BLOG?! FOR A FUCKING NEWSSTAND! Is he shitting out coupons or something?

Anyway, fuck that guy... he's gonna start a blog, I'll start a mother fucking blog. THIS IS AMERICA, BOSS! Fuck that guy this is my country.